A life full of new normal's

 It's been over a month since my surgery. I should have taken the time to sit down and write long before now. Why I haven't I can't say. It may because I just haven't felt that I have had much to say. What to report. How to report everything. I suppose mostly it has been because I have been trying to digest everything that is going on. Just trying to get through each day. It's been a bit of a struggle to say the least. Obviously surgery was a success or I wouldn't be sitting here writing today. I spent six days in ICU and 12 days total in the hospital. I recovered much better than they expected and they were very pleased. The surgery itself was long. They removed all of the cancer but unfortunately since there was still cancer present in the lymph nodes that means some more chemo. My oncologist has been giving me some time to recover before moving forward with treatment. She isn't exactly sure what she wants to do but she is a good oncologist and will figure out the best treatment possible. 

Recovery has been a struggle, as I said. It's an adjustment for it all. A whole new normal for me. The way I eat, the way I sleep, how I move around. Eating has given me a moment here and there. I get sick a lot. Learning to determine when I am actually feeling full and sometimes certain foods don't settle with me how they once use to. Sometime's I can look at a food and it turns my stomach. I have learned a few things. Definitely leave myself feeling a little hungry so that I don't make myself sick and that way when I eat in a few hours that I have room left in what's left of my stomach. Dairy gave me a problem at first. Made me really sick. Not so much now. I only have a little bit at a time. I am still not eating much at all. My go to breakfast seems to be a small thing of applesauce. I am drinking water like it's going out of style. So much so that I am going once a week for fluids at the cancer center just to make sure that I am staying plenty hydrated. I am able to tolerate food better now and I know that it'll get better with time. Never the same but that's okay. I am losing weight from this surgery and that's to be expected and again that's okay. I am totally okay with that. 

Pain has been something else. I was so numb at first that while I hurt I was also medicated pretty decently. During the recovery I am starting to get the feeling back and anyone who has ever had a broken rib I do not envy them. It's seriously a lot to deal with. Although I am healing nicely I just wish I would heal a little bit faster. I am kind of tired of hurting. 

Another adjustment and probably one of the harder ones is how I have to sleep at an incline now. At least 30-45 degrees. I have a wedge pillow and I am okay until about 5am and then it gets to be a bit sore. I wish that I could say eventually I won't have to sleep like that but that's not the way it's going to be for me. This will be my new normal. I will learn to live with it though. It could always be worse. I could have no survived that surgery. I could have died. Cancer could have killed me. Instead, I survived the surgery, I survived cancer. I came out on top. A few changes but I still beat it. 

I feel that I am very lucky. I had two very skilled surgeons who handled this complicated surgery with ease. All the nurses and doctor's treated me very well in the hospital and I am extremely impressed with my thoracic surgeon. I haven't seen a doctor so involved with their patient. Even the nurses I had. Everyone made sure I was comfortable and not in a lot of pain. I believe a lot of that goes towards my healing as well. 

There really isn't much else going on right now. Eventually I have to go back to work. That's still up in the air as to what I am going to do. I wanted to be back to work by January 1st. I was thinking of something from home. I may go back to the center but I haven't decided. I still have some time to think about it all. I promise next time I won't wait a month and a half to sit down and write. I have an appointment on the 30th with my oncologist to detail what's going to happen next. So I'll take some time and write then about what's going to happen. 

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