She believed she could, so she did. A cancer patient journey

 Where do I start? What do I say? Life isn't easy for me right now. Dealing with my recurrence has been difficult. Learning how to accept the new way I am going to have to live. Now I won't ever walk the way that I use to. Even think the way that I use to. Speaking the thoughts that are in my mind sometimes is difficult too. I have headaches all the time. All day long. Tylenol helps to limit it. I am trying every day to manage the days. Deal with each day as it comes. I know that how I walk and move around now isn't how I use to. I know that it will never be the old way. I go out almost every day and walk. Hoping that it will lead to me being able to walk better. I don't know if there is ever going to be a full recovery. I hope so. I hope deep down that it does. I also prepare myself for the fact that I will always walk with a limp and sometimes drag my foot. I am working hard on fixing that. I go to physical therapy once a week. She told me that my recovery is a year a...

 I've come here several times over the past two years and have talked about what's going on. I have tried to be honest all the time and in a positive mood. I still try that don't get me wrong. However ever since my second bout with cancer, this time has been much harder. My life has changed. I'm not the person that I use to be. I can't walk like I use to walk or even think like I use to. I try to stay positive and tell myself that things are going to be okay. I don't feel like that these past couple of days. It finally hit into me that who I was before I will never be that person anymore. I am seeing it more in myself every day and it is becoming hard for me to deal with. It's taking ( I'm sitting here trying to figure out the next word ) an emotional short on my mind. A horrible one. I try to stay positive and don't really tell anyone how I am feeling. I watch myself as I walk and I realize that I will never walk the way that I use to. I'll neve...

 I met with the oncologist on Thursday and then saw my radiation doctor on Friday. I was given quite a bit of information. Nothing that I don't feel like I can't handle. I'll start with the oncologist. My oncologist I really like. I feel like he actually listens to what I am saying and wants to make sure that I am understanding everything that I am being told. He tells me that I am not a statistic but a person. Which is very reassuring to hear. It turns out that there is not a second cancer. My esophageal cancer did migrate to my brain. This is very rare. He said that he has only had this happen one other time. The treatment plan is to do radiation. If not then the chances of it coming back is 60% as where if we do radiation the chances are 10%. Of course there is chances that there are cells throughout my brain so I will have to have frequent MRI's to make sure that nothing is growing. Now onto the radiation doctor. He is a great guy too. He said because of how big the...

 I have always known that there was always a chance that my cancer could come back. I had prepared myself for that. In my mind I always knew that. I didn't expect to get the news that I have gotten. Two brain tumors that formed pretty fast. From the time that I was diagnosed with them to the time that I had surgery was just over a week. Pathology reports show that I have a secondary cancer. Colorectal Cancer. I don't even know how to really process all of this information. I'm terrified. It's only natural to be terrified. I know that. It doesn't make me feel any better. My whole life changed getting this diagnosis. The tumors were removed but left me with some deficits. My right leg will never be the same again. I'll never be able to walk the same. My brain is still a little scattered and hard for me to remember things and to talk. They say that with some time my speech and memory will recover. Just not my leg. I try to act like it's okay. That I'll be o...

 It's been a bit since I have taken the time to come here and write. I suppose that I had slowed down on writing because it seemed like my journey with cancer was getting under control. I had some promising scans. All seemed like it was moving in the right direction. And that was true. So much so that in February I stopped treatment. A great step. A milestone. My follow up scan in May showed that there was an increase in the last lymph node. It was super small when we stopped treatment. The increase isn't anything huge but just enough to know that this journey isn't over. I constantly am finding new articles that say this or say that. New trials are coming out. More research. I know that this isn't going to be something that kills me but it'll be something that I'll have to deal with for the rest of my life. I go tomorrow for a biopsy of the lymph node. This has been the lymph node that nobody has been able to get to. This new gastro doctor thinks that he is goi...