Trapped

 Someone posed a very good question today. 


Did I feel trapped? 

Both yes and no. I say that because sometime's I do feel trapped and other times I don't. I guess amid all of the pandemic and everything else yes in some ways I am trapped. At the beginning of the pandemic everything was closing down and you were limited on where you could go. Plus nobody wanted someone like me, and by that I mean with a compromised immune system due to the cancer, going anywhere in case that I caught the virus. I have been very lucky and blessed and I have not caught the disease. So in the sense of the pandemic yes I suppose we are all trapped. 

If you are speaking do I feel trapped because of the cancer then I am not entirely sure how to answer that. In some ways yes because I am trapped here in my body with this awful disease. I can't just snap my fingers and it all be gone. Here I am dealing with this disease in my body, battling this cancer and that's not something that anyone other than me can really feel on a deep level. Even anyone else that's battling cancer. Because no two people respond the same exact way to treatment. Treatment.. treatment is another way in which I am trapped. You have to go and sit in a chair for four hours either every week or every other week. You are trapped in this body going through all this and you can't really get out of it. I mean you can if you don't want to fight. But if you want to fight. You want to live then yes you are trapped. You have to fight it. I have to fight it. 

So the answer to that question. Do I feel trapped? Yes, my god yes do I feel trapped. 

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