She believed she could, so she did. A cancer patient journey

Cancer is such a horrible ugly disease. I can't even begin to tell you how it makes one feel. Unless you are going through it or have gone threw it then you can't really ever understand. You can only imagine. That doesn't even compare. The risk for suicide among patients with cancer rises significantly the first year after the diagnosis. I can see and understand why some people who have been diagnosed with cancer end up taking their lives. It's not always about the financial burden or having their loved ones see them potentially die. It's about how it really makes you feel. You aren't able to do the things that you use to do. Getting up in the morning is a task in itself. Doing laundry, or cleaning takes everything out of you. All the doctor's tell you that you need to try to do something every day to keep yourself going. Take a short walk, create a project and finish it. They say it like it's all so simple. I know they know it's not. It's part o...

I started my radiation treatment this week. The worst side effects are the nausea and the fatigue. The fatigue is probably the worst. It amazes me how easily I become tired. Down to the bone drained. I can't do the things that I use to do. It can be very frustrating. I don't have the strength or the energy. I know that the further along in radiation that I go, the worse the effects will be. I'm not looking forward to that but I know that it's a part of the process. It brings me down though. The simple act of going to the store and walking around shopping can wear me out to the point that I have to come home and can't do anything else the rest of the day. I have to think about what I have planned the next day and see if I can manage to even do it. Tomorrow is Father's Day and I am suppose to drive out to my moms and there is a huge part of me that is just dreading the thought of it because right now I feel so exhausted and I know that tomorrow I'll probably f...

I am only a few days away from starting my second round of chemo treatments. This time it'll include radiation. I met with the radiology oncologist and had my napping CT scan done and my little blue radiation tattoos. I am waiting on word from the doctor after he looks over everything for final word on what approach they are going to take. The nurse told me today that they have two different treatment options they are looking at for me. He wanted to review my most recent pet scan and then would decide which plan would work best for me. I start my chemo on Monday. It's a different one from before. I'll go once a week every Monday. I don't know how this one will effect me. Then once I start radiation I'll go Monday-Friday for 25 sessions. He told me that I may have some slight pinking of the skin, may be a little sensitive. I might get a cough and shortness of breath in my lungs. He said the most severe would probably be the sore throat that I'd end up with. I...

I have no real title for this entry. I couldn't think of anything witty or funny to title it as. So sue me. I am trying to mentally prepare myself for these next several weeks. I have no idea how my body will react to this new chemo treatment and then adding in radiation as well. I may not feel any different at all. I may feel awful. I just know that I am glad this chemo treatment doesn't require me to wear Tag. My chemo pump. Don't get me wrong. I am glad that I had him and he helped to make me feel better but he was a pain to tote around. If I rolled over at night I'd have to roll him over too. Take a shower? Stick Tag outside the shower and make sure I don't move to far. Figure out how to slip the IV under my clothes. He. Was. A. Pain. But again, he made me feel better. I am trying to get everything I want done around the house finished before I start next week. I have started the painting in the living room. My goal is to be done with that by Tuesday. Then on We...

So my results have come back. My tumor has shrunk by over 50%. One of my lymph nodes is responding well to the cancer and the other well it's not responding that well. So with that being said my oncologist and the surgeon believe that there is still active and responsive cancer left in that lymph node and that doing surgery now is not the best course of action. The next step is going to be a radiation/chemo. Chemo will be once a week for 7 weeks and radiation will be Monday-Friday for 7 weeks. Their hope is that this will put me into remission before my surgery so that once I have my surgery and pathology comes back and hopefully comes back clean that I won't need anything else. I'll just have to take some time to recover following the surgery. I meet with the radiation doctor on Tuesday and I will start the following week. I guess I have several weeks of exhaustion and burning skin to look forward to. Not to mention whatever side effects come from the chemo that they are s...