June 7, 2020

I have no real title for this entry. I couldn't think of anything witty or funny to title it as. So sue me. I am trying to mentally prepare myself for these next several weeks. I have no idea how my body will react to this new chemo treatment and then adding in radiation as well. I may not feel any different at all. I may feel awful. I just know that I am glad this chemo treatment doesn't require me to wear Tag. My chemo pump. Don't get me wrong. I am glad that I had him and he helped to make me feel better but he was a pain to tote around. If I rolled over at night I'd have to roll him over too. Take a shower? Stick Tag outside the shower and make sure I don't move to far. Figure out how to slip the IV under my clothes. He. Was. A. Pain. But again, he made me feel better. I am trying to get everything I want done around the house finished before I start next week. I have started the painting in the living room. My goal is to be done with that by Tuesday. Then on Wednesday I can start the trim. Take a day or so to do all the trim work and then move on to the curtains. Keeps me busy as well. Sometimes I feel like while fighting this battle I am not really doing anything so doing these things around the house helps to keep me sane. I know my mom plans on coming and staying Tuesday-Friday/Saturday during the weeks I am doing the chemo/radiation. I am glad that she wants to help and I'd always take the help but at the same time if I really am worn down and feeling crappy I don't think that I'd be able to rest the way I want to because I'd always be worried about her. Is she comfortable. What's she doing? I am just that type of person. I know she wants to help. I wouldn't mind a day or two during the week. I don't know how to exactly tell her that though. I don't want her feeling like I don't want her to help but at the same time if I'm not feeling well I want to be able to rest. I also don't want her overdoing it. I'll have to figure out a way to talk to her about it. Maybe have two days a week set for her to come down. Maybe every Tuesday and Wednesday or Thursday and Friday. I'll talk to her when she comes over on Tuesday to help me finish painting. The last thing I want is anybody to feel bad because they feel like they can't do anything to help. I'm one of the lucky cancer patients that can still do a lot for myself. I know down the road when I do surgery I'll need a lot more help but that's down the road still. I will cross that bridge then. 

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