One day at a time

Well I finished my last cycle of chemo for this course. There is a chance that I'll have to have more but I am really hoping that I won't have to. This round was really rough on me. Family members see me and will say things like " You have dark circles under your eyes" or "You look really rough today." " Boy you sure are pale." Only someone who has gone through chemo can understand what I am truly going through. The toll that it truly takes on your body. Not only physically but mentally as well. Physically it drains you. Leaves you feeling nausea, tired, sore. My side affects range from flat out sleeping all day exhaustion to nausea and for me the worst is the tingling in the hands and legs and whole body this time. I take a shower..wait scratch that...I don't have the energy half the time to take a shower anymore, it's one of the reasons I cut my hair so short, quicker to deal with. I take bathes. I can pour in some body wash or bubble bath soak my pain away and loofa my body clean. Sometimes okay okay a lot of the time, I shampoo my hair in the bath and bring the detachable shower head down. Hey.. I'm at the point where it's easy and simple I go for it. I have to. It's the easiest way to keep my morale up. Let's talk about mentally. Mentally going through a treatment can be awful. You feel so awful about yourself because all you want to do is sleep or you just generally feel awful. You are so dehydrated. Everything taste like cardboard. Literally. And oh my god... I don't want to talk about hiney problems but when they said it backs you up they weren't kidding! Luckily I get a break for a month. Hopefully. I have to be out of chemo for a month before surgery. I see my oncologist on Wednesday and we will discuss the next steps. I know that I have to have a pet scan and a CT scan and those have to be sent off to my surgeons. That's right. Surgeons. Lucky me has to have two surgeons in on this surgery. If my scans look good and no further spreading of cancer then I can move forward and have surgery. If it has spread or hasn't shrunk as much as I'd like to hope then I guess a new treatment plan will be put into place. I am hoping for the best possible outcome because I really don't think I can go through another round of chemo. This one really tore me down. Today is the first day since last Wednesday that I have actually felt human again. My whole life revolves right now around my cancer and treatment and I'd like some time to just feel normal again. Even if only for a few weeks. Not to be so tired. So exhausted and sore. I guess when I look back on this then I'll see this as one of my greatest challenges in life and know that I beat it. 

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