Why I hate chemo 101

I am trying to mentally prepare myself for my fourth round of chemo on Wednesday. What do I do to prepare myself? Well I think to myself "  I really hate chemo. I don't want to go through another round." over and over again. Chemo is awful. It's a truly horrible experience. Granted I know that I have it easier than some of the people that I follow on my cancer support group. They REALLY go through it. I get nausea. I lose my sense of taste. It literally tastes like I have a dirty penny in my mouth. And no, I don't really know what a dirty penny taste like. I can speculate though. My whole body tingles and itches for about 3 hours after I start my treatment. Then for about a week afterwards anytime I touch anything cold it feels like my fingers are being frozen off. I can't eat anything cold. Actually I am lucky if I can eat anything at all because everything taste like cardboard. Let's not forget the exhaustion. Lord oh lord does it hit you like a freight train. So yeah.. why wouldn't I have to mentally prepare myself. The thought of having to endure this for another week, just thinking about it makes my heart sink. Leaves a pit in my stomach. Everyone tells me that I am so strong. That I have been handling this whole ordeal so well. If I could only tell them that my chemo weeks, I don't feel so strong. I feel frustrated. I feel angry and resentful. I get so frustrated when someone asks me if I am okay over and over again. Simply because I am laying down. I'm not okay. Nothing about this is okay. I know that it's not anyone's fault. It's all a side effect of the treatment. It's just another reason that I hate chemo. I shouldn't though. I shouldn't hate the thing that is actually making me feel better. The thing that makes me so sick is the thing that is killing my cancer and allowing me to live my life. I do hate it though. I hate how it has sapped all my energy. I hate how all I want to do is lay down. I hate how I started losing my hair. If I am lucky Wednesday will be my last chemo treatment. Definitely my last treatment before surgery. I am really hoping that I won't have to do anymore chemo. That we can move onto radiation and bring me one step closer to being done with all of this. Keeping fingers crossed for that. 

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