She believed she could, so she did. A cancer patient journey

 It's been a while since I have written. I'd like to say that it's been because I have been so busy but truthfully it's just cause I haven't known what to say. What to really write about. Things are going about as good as they can go. I have had four immunotherapy treatments. The treatments themselves aren't so bad. It takes about thirty minutes. They have left me feeling pretty tired and not altogether feeling that great. Some days are worse than others. Like right now I am feeling a little queasy. It can come on really fast. I suppose though if that is what it is going to take for me to feel better and be okay in the long run then I will have to deal with it. I had my first post surgery pet scan on Friday. I get the results on Tuesday. I am keeping my fingers and toes crossed that the report comes back good. It's hard not to worry about it. Or to make people understand my worry. In the end they aren't the ones dealing with it. So how can they really un...

 Recovery is a process. It takes time. It takes patience. It takes everything you've got.  I am three and a half months post surgery. I am nine and a half months into this cancer battle. I have had good days. I have had bad days. I have had okay days. I've even had days where I want to just give up. I think to myself that I can't do anymore. I can't handle anymore. I hate being sick. I want to be able to eat and not feel like I am going to vomit everything and then some from inside my stomach. I am just starting my year long immunotherapy treatment. Something I have come to realize is that while I am recovering from surgery, recovering my radiation and chemo. Recovery isn't just related to those things. Recovery can be so much more.  I have days where I feel so down. So frustrated. So scared. I try hard not to dwell on those feelings. I try hard not to even let myself think of those things. But I do. It's hard for those that aren't physically going through i...

 It's been a bit since I have posted. So much has been going on. I am three months post surgery. I am doing really well. Mild pain but I am able to tolerate it without medication. I have begun my immunotherapy treatment and I get mildly sick from that but aside from that there haven't been any side effects. I've gone back to work. Been back for a few weeks now. I am only working part time which is good. I needed to get back to work. I was losing my damn mind staying home all the time. My mind can be a terrible place to live in sometimes. Especially when I have been home for so long and am feeling relatively well. I try to get out every day and exercise. I do pretty well with that. I am up to about 2 1/2 miles a day. Which is really good. I don't tire like I use to when I first started out. I remember when I first started exercising again after surgery that I could barely make it three houses. Now I am managing to go miles. I know that I still have a long ways to go befo...

 Day 257 of being held prisoner: That's how I feel sometime's. Mostly so when I am feeling halfway decent. Which lately I have been. Not saying that I don't have moments because I do. Boy oh boy do I. I still get sick a lot when I eat. I have been keeping track of what makes me sick and I am really leaning towards that I may need to eat snack type foods versus small meals. I made banana and apple chips and can handle those pretty well. Also cereal. Water is a must have for me. It seems to settle my stomach down. Granted the being sick isn't as bad as it was so my hopes is that eventually it'll all settle down. Every week gets better.  Hopefully by the end of the year I'll be able to eat half way normal again.  I am going to start an immunotherapy called Opdivo. We are waiting to see if the compassionate care program will cover the cost of the drug because it's in phase 2 and 3 of trials. My oncologist told me that they have had very good success with it. I a...

 Someone posed a very good question today.  Did I feel trapped?  Both yes and no. I say that because sometime's I do feel trapped and other times I don't. I guess amid all of the pandemic and everything else yes in some ways I am trapped. At the beginning of the pandemic everything was closing down and you were limited on where you could go. Plus nobody wanted someone like me, and by that I mean with a compromised immune system due to the cancer, going anywhere in case that I caught the virus. I have been very lucky and blessed and I have not caught the disease. So in the sense of the pandemic yes I suppose we are all trapped.  If you are speaking do I feel trapped because of the cancer then I am not entirely sure how to answer that. In some ways yes because I am trapped here in my body with this awful disease. I can't just snap my fingers and it all be gone. Here I am dealing with this disease in my body, battling this cancer and that's not something that anyone oth...

 It's been over a month since my surgery. I should have taken the time to sit down and write long before now. Why I haven't I can't say. It may because I just haven't felt that I have had much to say. What to report. How to report everything. I suppose mostly it has been because I have been trying to digest everything that is going on. Just trying to get through each day. It's been a bit of a struggle to say the least. Obviously surgery was a success or I wouldn't be sitting here writing today. I spent six days in ICU and 12 days total in the hospital. I recovered much better than they expected and they were very pleased. The surgery itself was long. They removed all of the cancer but unfortunately since there was still cancer present in the lymph nodes that means some more chemo. My oncologist has been giving me some time to recover before moving forward with treatment. She isn't exactly sure what she wants to do but she is a good oncologist and will figure...

 .... and all through the house not a creature was stirring, not even the dogs. All the bags were packed by the door with care in hopes that the bag man would carry them all. Yep, that's about all I have for that. Tomorrow is the day. The day that with great hope and prayers that all my cancer will be out. Everything is ready to go except for my laptop which is what I am writing on. I'll pack that here in just a few minutes. I have had one of my pre surgery drinks. I have one more to go tonight and I have another that has to be drunk 4 hours before surgery. I have to be at the hospital by 5:00am. Surgery is scheduled for 5:30. How do I feel about all of this? Obviously I have some nerves. I am not nervous but I would be a fool not to feel something. This is a big surgery. It's life changing. There is so much that I won't be able to do. Lay down flat. Eat certain things. I'll always have some amount of pain. Nothing bad but they are shifting and moving around so much...